Woot Shirt : One Shirt, No Shoes, No Service (SM)

Most dragons don’t think things through, see. Me, I’m a hustler. I hired these four guys, see, to take care of things. Other dragons, they want to eat, let’s say they’re chasing a sheep, sheep runs into a crevice, baddaboom, dragon don’t eat. Me, I just send down my guys. Wham, bam, we’re all eatin’ mutton in an hour.

People say “But dragon, you ain’t go no arms!” I say, who cares about arms? I got a rep! And as long as you got a rep, you can get guys. My guys know, someone makes ‘em a deal, they come to me. I’ll take care of it. They need a day off? They need more money? Maybe a bigger piece of mutton for the kids? No problem, I say. And so they stay loyal.

But if they ever cross me… well, let’s just say some people get to ride up top and some on the tail.

This shirt was designed by: Mike Myers, who is tired of jokes about how he stalks Jamie Lee Curtis every October. Also he’s tired of getting phone calls from Dana Carvey asking for work. That’s probably why he goes by slaterock whenever he can. We’re sorry, Mike.

Wear this shirt: if you want to impress those cool kids. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you are. The server room, the circulation desk, the Vatican, somewhere in your vicinity there are cool kids, and if you are wearing this shirt they will find you and be impressed. But don’t wear it twice in a row, then you’ll be “that dork who only wears dragon shirts”. Cool is a science.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re trying to scale down this year. Get it? Because dragons have scales. That’s how they know how much they weigh. But they’re very sensitive so don’t bring it up if you see one.

This shirt tells the world: “Why does everything have to be a drug reference with you? This is just like when you ruined Puff The Magic Dragon. Can’t you just let me enjoy this for once?”

We call this color: Olive Those Little Guys Got Eaten When They Asked For Payment In Gold

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Your Mondays may be lousy, but our t-shirts have an lousier ones. For Monday is the day that we eliminate our lowest-selling shirts and reduce the available list to a solid top 20. We call it the Day of Reckoning and you can play along at home:

• 01 Grim Optimism (1/2)
• 02 Donut Panic! (2/13)
• 03 One Cheer For Broccoli (3/3)
• 04 To the Top in the Style of Da Vinci (5/8)
• 05 Nevermore (7/39)
• 06 Willing to endure scientific research (4/4)
• 07 From Your Sink Since 1900 (6/4)
• 08 Snowman (8/6)
• 09 Nanonauts (10/6)
• 10 Easy Optimism (9/2)
• 11 Row Vs. Wade (12/9)
• 12 Fat Unicorn (13/36)
• 13 Friends Are Forever (14/18)
• 14 Two Fish Who Are Red And Blue (11/3)
• 15 The Choice Was Not Hard (15/17)
• 16 Cupcakeosaur (16/7)
• 17 Hungry Bento (17/18)
• 18 Say No To Scurvy (18/61)
• 19 The Cake Is A Liar (19/60)
• 20 Circuit-ulatory System (20/25)

• 21 Ablaze (-/1)
• 22 From the Ashes (-/1)
• 23 Nuclear Winter (-/1)
• 24 On the Prowl (-/1)
• 25 Ugly Holiday Sweater (-/1)
• 26 Office Surprise (-/1)

• 2008: A Shirt Odyssey
• Saur Loser
• Death Stare
• Hol-O.D.
• Stuck Inside
• Over-Crowded Elevator
• The Snowflakes are Whiter on the Other Side

Well, that was a waste of time. No new entries into the top 20; the ancient duo of Say No To Scurvy and The Cake Is A Liar survive another week; and that's about all we have to report. If, for some reason, you want one of the Casualties but weren't able to buy it, you've got about another seven hours.

Still snowed in, locked up, or tied down? Kill some time gawking at the near-misses and the undiscovered gems from Derby #75: Cabin Fever. It's like finding an unexpected beer behind the Tupperware in the back of the fridge...

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It’ll be no real surprise. It’s obvious if you paid attention in Sunday School. What is every major religion always telling you about? Tea. Piety, Chastity, Generosity, Charity, Unity, it doesn’t matter if you’re Christian, Muslim, Jew, Subgenius or Very Moral Atheist, teas are a very important part of the global cosmology.

Just look at the sublime enchantment on that little fella’s face. Maybe he studied in Chai-na. Maybe Tea-bet. Maybe he gained knowledge by reading the future in his leaves. But there’s no fear in him. Maybe a bit of peppermint and some caffeine, but not a drop of fear.

This shirt was designed by: Budi Satria Kwan, a.k.a. radiomode. He also has a previous shirt, if you’re interested in wearing shirts. What’s that? You’re not interested in wearing shirts? Well, fine then. To each their own.

Wear this shirt: No, no. You said you weren’t interested in wearing shirts. No, no, no, you already said you weren’t interested, so there’s no need for us to tell you why. No, no, no, no, we wouldn’t want to waste your valuable non-shirt-wearing time. You just enjoy yourself out there without any shirts. Don’t even worry about us. Don’t even worry. No no no no no.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re having dinner with Pharaoh. Also no frog slippers, no locust rings, and never ever ever play “Sunday Bloody Sunday”.

This shirt tells the world: “This is grounds for expulsion!”

We call this color: Parting The Red Tee

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3rd place in Derby #75: Cabin Fever, with 613 votes!

The irony could’ve killed him, if the boredom didn’t get him first. Here he was, a “snowman” in a “snow globe” full of “snow”, and he’d never touched real snow in his life. He’d never know how it feels on his plastic skin. He’d never construct a stalwart snow fort, or whiz a lethal snowball through the air, or catch the lacy flakes on his tongue. All he could do was watch it fall. And wonder. And wish someone would come by and shake his globe, just so he could pretend for a moment that a blizzard raged around him as powerful as the one inside him.

This shirt was designed by: Derby contestant crunchybitesized, whose name is only accurate to those with very large mouths.

Wear this shirt: with that old silk hat you found.

Don’t wear this shirt: to prison. It’ll either bum you out or get you shivved.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m trapped in a globe I never made.”

We call this color: Cold Navy.

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2nd place in Derby #75: Cabin Fever, with 883 votes!

A bunny’s a critter that’s fuzzy and warm

And prone to some mischievous pranks
A bunny will get his friend drunk at the dorm
Then tag, with a Sharpie, his flanks

A bunny might wrap a commode in Saran
Then wait for somebody to spatter
His pants and his shoes and the floor of the can
With the erstwhile contents of his bladder

Bunnies are constantly goofing around
They’re like practical jokers from Hell
Their favorite is piling themselves in a mound
In the lift at a store or hotel

They’ll pile in the car ‘cause they think that it’s funny
Completely ignoring the notice
That says “Max Capacity: Seventeen Bunnies
Signed, yours officially, Otis”

This shirt was designed by: ramyb, an unstoppable Derby juggernaut whose shirts Grim Optimism and Two Fish Who Are Red And Blue and On the Prowl and From the Ashes are all still available. Jeeze, ramyb, hope you left a little in the tank for 2009!

Wear this shirt: to your next cuddle party. Are people still having those? People are so weird.

Don’t wear this shirt: at the bottom of a pile of bunnies one dozen deep. Without being too graphic about it, let’s just say it’ll get soiled.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ll get the next one.”

We call this color: Eighth Floor—Luggage, Flatware, Ladies Lingerie, Picture Postcards, Baby Blues—Watch Your Step!

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The first Reckoning preview of 2009 finds one of our all-time greats on the brink of being eliminated for low sales this Monday. How much longer can the cake lie?

• 01 Grim Optimism
• 02 Donut Panic!
• 03 One Cheer For Broccoli
• 04 To the Top in the Style of Da Vinci
• 05 Nevermore
• 06 Willing to endure scientific research
• 07 From Your Sink Since 1900
• 08 Snowman
• 09 Nanonauts
• 10 Row Vs. Wade
• 11 Easy Optimism
• 12 Fat Unicorn
• 13 Two Fish Who Are Red And Blue
• 14 Friends Are Forever
• 15 The Choice Was Not Hard
• 16 Cupcakeosaur
• 17 Hungry Bento
• 18 Say No To Scurvy
• 19 Circuit-ulatory System
• 20 The Cake Is A Liar
• 21 Ablaze
• 22 Nuclear Winter
• 23 From the Ashes
• 24 On the Prowl
• 25 Ugly Holiday Sweater
• 26 Office Surprise

• 2008: A Shirt Odyssey
• Saur Loser
• Death Stare
• Hol-O.D.

Come back Monday to watch what went where and why.

1st place in Derby #75: Cabin Fever, with 973 votes!

Happy23: wow great print llo

LettuceBabe: Wonderful job! Congrats to the artist!

KidAtCollege: Oh, wow! This is just like a Philip K. Dick novel! What a metaphor!

Tee Snob: This isn’t for me, but I see how it could be enjoyed by other people. Just not me.

Mr. Serious: Okay, first of all, either that guy in the chair is tiny or the outer body is really amazingly big. And that’s a huge issue because a guy that big means the snowflake is relative to his size, so that snowflake is about the size of, well, a shirt. And if anyone spent any time studying physics they’d know that’s about as likely as a giant ant lifting a car, which is to say, not at all. Additionally, the appearance of a chair inside the head implies some sort of forest existed or currently exists inside the giant man, as well as a smelting facility to allow for the creation of metal tools in order to complete those fancy corners. Are we to assume this is all happening in the stomach? And for that matter, how does the little man eat? And who were his parents? Is this some thinly-veilled comment about the futility of evolutionists or something? Because that would just be bad form. Meh. I guess this will be another sell out extravaganza among those people who wouldn’t know quality if it bit them but I, for one, don’t understand how a person could enjoy this shirt due to the complex gaps in simple, concrete logic. It is just me who sees all these cliches?

OMGrrl: OMG OMG OMG DON’T BE A SAD RAT OMG DID I GET A SHIRT OMG SAD RAT OMG

This shirt was designed by: tgentry. What, you don’t know who that is? He did Nanonauts! He’s been here forever! Jaden, you know him, right? eHalcyon? Come on, guys, this isn’t funny! It’s tgentry! Don’t you remember? Clarence! Clarence! Put things back the way they were! I want to live, Clarence! I want to live!

Wear this shirt: when it is snowing. Also wear a sweater. You can get them from sweater.woot.com.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you band together on our forums and march on Woot HQ to beat us for today’s copy. We don’t want you to get our jerkface blood all over your nice new shirts.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m of two minds about this.”

We call this color: As The Horse Said To The Dude In The Guy Fawkes Mask, “Navy”

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First things first. You gotta crawl before you can walk. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You wanna piece of my heart, you better start at the start. For this first Derby of 2009, we're thinking about beginning, commencement, genesis, embarcation, setting forth, curtain-raisings, kickoffs - the part that has to happen before all the other parts can happen. Put your ruminations on beginning into t-shirt form and it could be the start of something big.

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Derby #75: Cabin Fever closed for voting at noon today. Three of these designs will go on sale one at a time over the next three days - the fourth will go down in near-miss history. Click on each picture below to see that entry's page, with a fuller view of the design. The final four, in no particular order:

The Snowflakes are Whiter on the Other Side by crunchybitesized

Stuck Inside by tgentry

The great outdoor by radiomode

Over-crowded Elevator by ramyb

Come back tonight at midnight to see (and, of course, buy) our first-place winner. Then do the same thing Saturday and Sunday morning. Please? Thanks for Derbying!